As much as I’ve been feeling like everything is awful, it’s also been important to look at the little things (and not-so-little things) that aren’t.
As much as Zoloft helps with my depressive symptoms and anxiety, I hate going back on it because of the side effects I experience and the knowledge that it will get worse before it gets better.
There is also something else I’ve experienced twice now after starting on Zoloft, which is having suicidal thoughts. Suicidal ideation is a risk that has been documented among children, teenagers and young adults while taking Zoloft and remains a topic of controversy regarding antidepressant use.
The good thing is I’m aware these thoughts are unusual for me to have and I can put some distance from them as if they’re alien to my mind. Something related to medication, not my current condition. I’m aware I’ve been through worse and have come out from the other side. These thoughts do pass and I don’t act on them but the fact that they exist is perturbing.
(Disclaimer: This post is not meant by any means to deter anyone from taking prescribed antidepressants like Zoloft. If you need medication, you need medication and there isn’t any shame in that. The intention I had for this post was to also acknowledge the experience of these side effects that you have to ride through in the road to recovery. Often people think medication makes everything better and I can say for certain they are not as simple as being ‘happy pills’. Also, this is just my experience, others’ may vary.)